It has been awhile since I blogged. I was tempted to do so a few times to get thoughts off my chest, but I was afraid of stirring up controversy bigger than the Santa-Mommy-Wars. But something non-controversial came up that I felt compelled to write about.
My mother-in-law, Agnes Scaramuzzo, passed away late last week. It has had me thinking of how she lived her life. My husband couldn't have married anyone more different than his mother. I'm as Type A as it gets sometimes. I fell in love with him because he tended to be more spontaneous and devil-may-care in his free time. He loosened me up. Mike learned from the best of them -- his mother. She was much more laid back than I am, much more loosey-goosey. For awhile, I felt that I was one who lived by rules, she's one who didn't. But really, she did live by rules, hers were just much different than bedtimes, "don't sass me", and "you'll eat what I made":
Here is my interpretation of her rules:
1.
Don’t worry when things go awry, just
change the recipe
Once it rained on her famous potato salad, and everyone was worried it was
ruined. She stirred in the rain water,
and next thing you know, it was the “best” potato salad ever. So the recipe changed from then on. She’d splash a little water into the bowl and
stir it in, after it was all made. She
told me that if you add the water to the mayo, it isn’t the same. I’ll be honest, I used to do that, but I can’t
anymore because I know she has her eye on me and she’ll catch me cheating.
2.
Mispronounce
things and don’t care about it because people will think of you more often
She would be the one to sing a song or use an expression using the wrong
words. And if she was corrected, she
would laugh at herself, and do it the next time exactly the same way. A good meal didn’t “hit the spot” it “touched
a spot”, she loved “Whirlers” candies, not “Werthers”, she banked at WaCHovia,
not Wa-kovia. So if a moment comes that
someone says one of these things, we always think of her, and sometimes correct one
another. “Did get me the Werthers
candies I had on the list? No, I picked
up Whirlers! “
3.
Don’t
rush
The only things she’d rush to do is hold a baby, give a compliment, or
smile. Otherwise, she was always saying, "I'll be there in a minute", "Take your time", or
“Ein specht” (she said it meant one second in German, but Google says it means
one woodpecker?!? See #2 above).
For most people, being behind would drive me crazy, but somehow, when it was her, it was OK.
4.
Pray for
the little things and then thank Him for answering it!
She always started whispering to herself when we’d get near the store, and it
turned out she was praying for a good parking space. This was long before she struggled with her
walking. She enjoyed a good walk, but
even more, she enjoyed a good parking space.
I asked her once, “Don’t you think that God has more important prayers to answer?” to
which she replied, “Oh, I don’t want to be the one always giving Him big
problems. I’m sure He’s happy these are
easy to solve.” Then she'd always say, "Thank you, Lord." She had a point. Those friends who always have huge, unsolvable
problems are probably not the ones you want phone calls from. The person who needs to borrow a cup of
sugar, now that’s an easy call to take!
To this day, when I find a good spot, I know she’s thinking of me, and I tell the Lord thanks.
5.
Approach
everything as if it’s new
I cannot tell you how many meals I made where my Mother-in-Law never ate
__________ before (quinoa, queso, couscous, garlic dressing, Greek salad...). Many times, I’d
even made it last time she was over. If
I reminded her of the previous time she’d say, “Oh, well it’s always nice to be
surprised by something you didn’t know about, even if you knew about it.”
6.
An
afternoon cocktail is good
My parents were over for dinner once, we were making cocktails, and she told my mother that
her sister Pauline liked to have a Rob Roy with a cherry before dinner. So my mother made her one, and my Mother-in-Law
had me write down the recipe that my mother used because it’s amazing. :) She really wasn’t much of a drinker, but from
time to time, she’d ask to split a beer or want a Rob Roy because it’s
"nice to have an afternoon cocktail." I
can’t think of that drink without thinking of her.
7.
Babies
are good for the soul
Even in her later years, a moment or two with a baby would pick up her spirits,
warm her soul, make the whole world right.
There was nothing a baby could do that would distress her. My son Joseph had the record for distance vomiting,
but she paid it no mind…didn’t even flinch.
She could settle him, put his fussy little self to sleep, in the wink of
an eye. Mike and I nicknamed her Opium as
a result.
8.
Sitting
on the porch is nice
Before she got sick, she’d stay with us for weeks, and she loved to sit on the
porch and watch the world go by.
Neighbors used to come up to the porch and visit with her. After she was sick and the weather would turn
nice, we’d go outside about 2:30ish and watch the world go by. She was cheered by a bright car, an
interesting truck, but most of all the kids getting off the school bus. Any sit on the porch was followed with, “This
was really nice.”
9.
Lots of
people look like Diane Rooney
If I had a dime for every time she said, “Oh, I think she looks like Diane
Rooney”, I’d be rich! I have no idea
what Diane Rooney looked like, but she’d even tell me. And when I asked, “What did Diane Rooney look
like, she would point to the woman or girl she was speaking of. It became a family joke. One thing is for sure, Diane Rooney made a
long-time impression on my mother-in-law. I really should Facebook Diane Rooney!
10.
Housework
really does wait
My mother in law was not the best housekeeper. Shhh.
Don’t tell anyone, but I did notice her attitude that dust could
wait. Though she did sweep a mean porch!
Her house was clean and presentable, but
not always a showroom. And you know
what? We have heard the nicest things
since she passed away. “I was blessed to
have known her” “My husband called her
Saint Agnes” “She was always so kind” And all of that is true. No one ever said, “Her house wasn’t the
cleanest” and guess what? It really is
true. Being an amazing housekeeper
really isn’t what people remember! They
remember the kind word, the warm hug, the radiant smile. So put down the broom. Despite my Type-A-ness, I was never quite the good housekeeper either.
So from these lessons, I know that there IS great hope for those of us who walk by the dust on the furniture and the sticky syrup on the counter to go sit on the porch, hold a baby, have a cocktail, watch the kids get off the bus, or chat with the neighbors. In the end, that’s all that matters.
